Stoke Park 5 - 43 OC's
OC's
tame the Bisons and snare four more League points
Last Saturday saw the OCs extend their unbeaten run to four
games, scoring eight tries and returning up the A3 with
four more League points as they ran out winners by 43-5
over a large but decidedly immobile Stoke Park 2nd XV. To
utilise the venerable wisdom of Mao-Tse-Tung, ‘All long
journeys start with one small step’, and come April 2005,
this victory could be seen as a crucial step to Dr Evil
style domination of Surrey Merit League Division 6. A barnstorming
performance by the forwards against a far heavier opposition
pack (compromising a surreal mix of the Teletubbies, the
Shaolin Monks and skippered by a Peter Kay doppelganger)
laid the foundation for the OC backs to cut swathes through
the opposition back line. With fly half Ben Gelder (in resplendent
show-pony silver boots) doing his best Travolta impression
and dancing his way past bedazzled opposition, never has
15-man rugby looked so damned good.
Having miraculously found the ground despite having to use
the world’s worst map for directions, the majority of the
team met at 1.15 on the dot. The omens were good - with
gorgeous sky blue weather, a vast playing area, and an opposition
who looked like they were auditioning for Mr Blobby’s Comeback
Tour. The only two OCs missing for warm up duty were the
usual offenders, James Thompson and Ali Turner. James -
Mr T had suffered the misfortune of a broken down vehicle.
Following on from his previous excuse offered of ‘gum shield
moulding’, aspersions could not possibly be made about Ali
wishing to bypass the obligatory warm up. When he did finally
rock up, Tom Drummond-Wilson’s furrowed brow receded, as
it was he who had the unenviable task of replacing the unreplaceable
as he had been earmarked as the fall guy to prop against
one of the big boys. It was all smiles again, as the news
that Ali had (successfully!) proposed to his sweetheart
was greeted with rapturous applause and cries of “Well done,
old boy!” and “Hurrah!”
With Rich Butler’s long-awaited seasonal debut delayed by
a bad case of what the General Medical Council would term
‘passing rusty water’, a squad of 16 had travelled down
the A3. Oli Thompson’s previously much-abused neck had mended
sufficiently well for him to take his place in the back-row,
with Si P-W (yet again) unselfishly filling in on the wing.
The experienced Nick Flook made his debut in the centre,
with Henry Brace coming in at hooked and Steve Hartland
reverting to prop. Gor was able to take his place at scrum
half after sustaining a nasty cut the previous week play
Kev-ball. With his head bandaged and donning a scrumcap,
he appeared like the love child produced if Orphan Annie
and a Care-Bear ever decided to get jiggy. Don Dewerson
was the unlucky 16th player who sat out the 1st half.
After a 3-week lay off, and with such a large pitch to cover,
the game started at break neck speed, and the opening skirmishes
saw errors from both sides, leading to a very disjointed
beginning. The team continued from where they left off from
the Old Emanual game, with George Thornhill taking the to
the soft underbelly of the opposition. Set pieces were steady,
with the Thompson Twins ruling the roost in the lineout
and Steve Hartland, Henry Brace and Ali Turner more than
holding their own in the twilight zone of the front row.
This gave the back row and half backs a superb platform
to work their magic, leading to several close calls for
Stoke Park, before the flimsy line was breached by Paul
Kellett midway through the first half. Other certain tries
were shunned as the scoring pass went astray on a couple
of occasions, notably when Matt Boardman blotted his near-perfect
copybook by dropping a great pass from Gelders with the
try line screaming out.
This was soon forgotten. With a penalty awarded 10 yards
out after great incisive work by the rugged Tom Drummond-Wilson,
Gor, Gelders and the captain decided it was an apt time
to hold a Mothers Meeting about what to do - kick, touch,
scrum. For one man, enough was enough. If Gelders was doing
his best John Travolta impression, then George Thornhill
showed that he could do a pretty mean Hofmeister Bear, as
he grabbed the ball, tapped, and ploughed through then opposition,
concluding with the deadly coup de grace by barrelling over
the man mountain that was the opposition skipper. This was
the game’s champagne moment in the opinion of this humble
scribe. Gelders missed his kick in front to of the post.
After the Lord Mayor’s show…
The only other notable moment from the first half, was when
Gor produced such an act of awesome defence he would have
had defensive guru Phil Larder forcing himself into taking
a cold shower. After a rampaging run from the one of the
opposition monoliths, a stream of OC bodies lay in his wake.
As he greedily eyed the try line, a ginger limpet attached
himself to the ball, and somehow managed to wrestle the
ball off him and ground the ball for a 22 dropout as they
crashed over the line.
The skipper’s half-time pep talk paled into comparison with
Simmo’s rabble-rousing effort in the ‘Battle of the A3’
(see previous write up), but he said the right things about
doing the basics well and to look at the opposition who
were, all to a man, doing a very good impression of a teapot.
Don Dewerson came on to replace Tom Drummond-Wilson, who
yet again showed he would willingly take a bullet for the
team.
After softening up the opposition and giving them a run
around in the first half, the OCs slipped through the gears.
They ran in five more tries though Matt Boardman, Gor (with
Josh on his shoulder desperate to score but vitally and
correctly ignored), and Paul (again). George scored again
after taking a superb angle off Gelders and going through
Stoke Park like roughage through a digestive system. And
last, but certainly by no means least, Ali Turner (who had
evidently been glued to the Neil Back’s Greatest Leicester
Tries DVD he had acquired after the previous match) as he
finished off a superb catch and drive from a line out. Gelders
had by this time relinquished the kicking duties over to
Matt Boardman and to Gor, who afterwards wondered if he
could claim he converted his own try which was a blatant
lie. The large pitch has taken its toll, as both sides seemed
out on their feet when the unusually competent referee blew
for full time.
Matt Boardman had a top, top game from full back. Safe as
houses in defence and under the high ball, and sparkling
in attack, his dropped scoring pass in the first half was
his only blemish. Chris Parkinson and Si PW, like all good
modern wingers, went looking for work, and were both unlucky
not to cross the whitewash. Special praise should go Si
PW, who played uncomplainingly out of position again and
put in a great performance. This epitomises one of the strengths
of the OC team – the willingness to put the team ethic before
one’s own wants and needs. Nick Flook came in and did a
solid job, tackling with heart out and taking the ball into
contact, showing he had lost none of his appetite for the
game since his heyday back in 1991. Paul Kellett showed
just what a devastating open field runner he is by gaining
serious yards every time and also showing off his unorthodox
tackling technique for all to see. Gelders put in a Serevi-type
performance, marshalling the back line superbly and jinking
through gaps that weren’t there but had a mixed day with
the boot. Gor was his all-action self, this week concentrating
on his rugby and deciding not to spend half his time gabbing
with the officials. His defence and reading of the game
was excellent, and his try was well deserved.
At the coalface, Steve Hartland, Henry Brace and Ali Turner
proved themselves worthy adversaries to the gargantuan opposition
front row, and all three were conspicuous in the loose.
Special mention should go to Steve’s throwing-in, as he
was a vital cog in the well-oiled lineout machine that functioned
immaculately. Mentioned in despatches should be Josh, James
and Oli Thompson who leapt like salmon providing quality
ball time and again. All three rumbled around the pitch
like a Brazilian-style death squad, standing toe to toe
with the opposition heavyweights, exhausting them into submission.
James Thompson should be singled out for praise, as he relished
the close combat, despite nursing a hangover after a Friday
night bender of Oliver Reed proportions. George Thornhill
played his usual robust game, and merited his two tries.
Oli Thompson provided mobility and strength, and showed
that his nasty neck injury had cleared up completely. Don
Dewerson had a great game after coming on for the 2nd half,
although his heart was in his mouth for a 2-minute period
when he had to temporarily fill in for Chris Parkinson on
the wing. He waited patiently for his chance in the 1st
half, and got on with it without complaining. Finally, Tom
Drummond-Wilson, as usual, got stuck and went on a couple
of barn-storming runs, and yet still had time to shown his
repertoire of silky skills in between as he gears up to
taking on the bogeyman that is James Alvis in the Bristol
v London contest in December. Just bring it on.
So, four points tucked nicely in Gor’s kit bag on the return
journey up the A3 - mission accomplished. Before proclaiming
that the OCs are the greatest team since the 1973 Barbarians,
perhaps we should qualify this in the light of the opposition.
A well-placed spy in the opposition camp reported back what
he heard the in their post match post mortem. The captain
was administering a sound rollicking, and it was nothing
to do with buying his Nan a new bungalow. Words to the effect
of "when I say meet at 1pm in the changing rooms, I do not
mean that you are still sitting at the bar at 1.25" indicate
that they were not the most professional outfit to throw
an oval ball around. Saying that, he effectively acknowledged
our more professional approach.
The 16-man effort can be viewed like a matador in the baying
bullring. First of all, toying with the opposition, giving
them the run around and then finishing them off with an
elegant yet decisive flourish. The next match is on the
4th December against the Old Wellingtonians at home. If
I were them, I would be afraid, very afraid. In fact, I’d
go as far to suggest that they should be wearing brown underpants
between now and then…
Yokozuma